Burning for the Beloved: A Lifelong Quest for Christ's Presence

Nearly twenty-five years ago, when the cleansing tide of grace first washed over my soul, my heart awoke each morning with a singular, fervent pursuit: to discern the favor of God. With ardent longing, I sought His presence, chasing after the One whom my soul adored—the One who ignited my spirit with His ineffable flame, my Savior, Jesus Christ. In those sacred moments, I yearned for the tangible, experiential embrace of my First Love, a divine connection that set my soul ablaze with hallowed purpose and devotion.

A holy unrest stirred within me if I rose from slumber and failed to immediately sense His nearness. It was a sacred ache, a divine discontent that refused to settle for anything less than His presence. I needed Him—not as a distant memory or a fleeting thought, but as the very breath of my existence. I wanted Him with an intensity that eclipsed all else. Before His salvation and friendship transformed my life, I was cloaked in misery, lost in the shadows of despair. Bound by demons and methamphetamine. But from the moment He claimed me, I became consumed, utterly captivated by an obsession for His presence that has never waned.

I recall those early days vividly—crying out with unrestrained passion, my soul restless and fervent until I felt the warmth of His nearness envelop me. My heart would leap, my spirit would soar, as I surrendered to the divine dance of His love. But now, as I stand in the present, I pause to reflect: What stirs my heart at dawn today? What thoughts ignite my soul as the first light breaks? Does my spirit still pant after Him with the same unquenchable thirst that once defined my every breath? If His everlasting fullness remains boundless—an infinite wellspring of grace and glory—how could I ever grow complacent or satisfied with less than all of Him?

To dwell on past encounters with His love, however blissful, cannot sustain me now. Just as yesterday’s feasts cannot fill today’s hunger, so too do cherished memories fall short of satisfying the soul’s deepest craving. I need Him now—today, tomorrow, and every day henceforth, through the endless expanse of eternity. My heart cries out with renewed fervor: Come, Lord Jesus, come!